this past weekend: what is the single biggest worry when you're hosting a party? that's right, that noone will come. i have a new way to deal with this: only semi host a party. that is let your friends hold a party at your place. if they have enough friends that you adore then you get most of the benefits of hosting a party but at the end you don't have to clean up.

monday: my landlord's wellington representative came over(thank god for the post party cleanup). she probably didn't suspect a thing, but this means that she thinks my flattie and i are alcoholics judging by the liquor bottles in our recycling this week.

tuesday: i had a hell day at work. and just wanted to go home and sleeeeeep. but the arctic monkeys were playing and i had tickets so had to go. thank god i did, cos it was a much better way to spend the evening that hitting refresh on facebook status updates. for more, read this.

wednesday: i was supposed to take annual leave. but went to work for an important meeting and took a long lunch break. i went to my new favourite city eatery. and i am so reluctant to tell you about it because i don't want everyone to go.... but i'm going to anyway: picnic. and after the walk up the hill you deserve a friggen chocolate milkshake. and maybe a breakfast burrito. but beware the birds. they've got brave, which is unfortunate because they are two wings away from being mice. and you should all know by know i equate mice with the devil.

thurday: the world sale. ie the most important fashion date on my calendar. i didn't go exactly nuts there (two tops, both awesome) but i was so jubilant that on the way back to work i accidentally bought two pairs of shoes, a clutch purse and a fascinator. can anyone say 'economic crisis'? anyway from tomorrow i'm starting my next 101 in 1001 days task: no clothes purchases for three months. i will not know what to do with my time!

that gorilla from my last post continues to be hilarious. i have become the most frequent visitor to my own blog. just to get my three times a day dose of the gorilla going phil collins on the drums. i might get fired for excessive internet use at work.

speaking of work, i wore a suit this weekend. which is almost as hilarious as the gorilla given that i refuse to wear suits at work. i went to a hospital themed party as a bureaucrat. complete with post it notes and red tape. and a great opening line for any hot doctors i came across. something about tying them up in red tape for months. anyway, i didn't use it.

i did get stabbed in the head though.


today i went to see shetland ponies at the most awesome museum slash farm slash cafe that i've ever been to in my life. just to be clear i am only linking it so that you know for sure that YOU ARE NEVER ALLOWED TO GO THERE WITHOUT ME BECAUSE I WOULD DIE OF JEALOUSY. we went there for ryles's birthday. that's right: the most choice two year old just became the most choice three year old. his treat was going to see the model railway and feeding the shetland ponies. but he was more interested in pretending the disability access toilet cubicle was a spaceship. we ate chocolate mud cake too.

and by the way i can't believe ryles is three. because it seems like just yesterday i was in the hospital arguing with nurses and worrying about the pipe things coming out of his teeny tiny nose.
and now he's singing happy birthday and blowing out three candles without any help. he's such a show off.

so i bet you have been hitting refresh on my page for the past two days in the hopes that i would update you on my friday night as princess (her royal highness) diana and the belle of the ball. if that is the case then, my friend, TODAY IS YOUR LUCKY DAY.
so firstly i made an appearance as diana, princess of wales and queen of hearts. i wore wig, here pictured, and tiara and bow around my neck. the bow was because i looked at photos of diana circa 1984 and they always involved a bow of some kind. i am pictured here with an anonymous friend who came as a lady of the evening. her hair makes mine look more feasible some how. anyway, highlight of the diana period of the night was giving out heart stickers as a form of branding. you had to be special to get one. and it filled my heart with glee when there were speeches and most of the key players were wearing my brand. i now know the pride the coca cola executives must feel when coca cola sponsored sports teams take the field.

but unlike the coca cola executives, who can probably wear whatever they like, i had trouble with the tiara. every time i moved it fell. so i gave up. and gave it to a man as a present. and i stole his hat. and as you can see i freakin' rocked it.

but the nylon texture of my hair meant the hat kept slipping off. so the 'bank robber' or whatever period was short lived.

then i entered my final dress up phase of the evening.... paris hilton. i got into character by drinking pink drinks, putting on lots of lip gloss and thinking i could have a singing career. if there had been a car near by i probably would have driven badly (but not on a public road or anywhere near people, cos hello, there was vodka in them pink drinks).

i also kept hugging people in this phase. and trying to get scandal out of friends and colleagues. with very little luck by the way. although there were drinking games and as a bystander i learnt lots of boring but scandalous for civil servants confessions. i pretended to be shocked. i have seen the simple life and i'm sure that is what paris would do. also like paris i chatted to the barman about his job. see how the other half live and what not. but this picture suggests none of that, except perhaps that there was vodka in the drinks...


anyway i wanted to go dancing. so i rallied the troops but basically hunger outweighed dancing and so i got a burger and what do you know? burgers make you tired. so wellington has yet to see paris pole dancing at the mirror bar. but, you know, maybe next week.

oh my god i wasn't going to post it but now i'm so excited about it i have to tell you about how i'm going to a party tomorrow night and about how i will quite likely be the BELLE OF THE BALL.

the details are as follows...

why will you be the b.o.t.b?

in part because of my great social skills but mostly because of my AWESOME COSTUME

a costume party, what is the theme?

the theme has somehow become irrelevant. it was meant to be that you went as something starting with the letters P, H or D. my costume covers ALL letters, but like i said... themes are so irrelevant when your costume is this awesome.

could you be over selling the costume?

no.

how much did the costume cost you?

well, in terms of costs incured this week the honest answer is NOTHING. it is like i have been building up to this event my entire life and little bits and pieces i have collected over the years all seem to fit together so nicely. that said i may need some blue eyeliner to finish off the costume.

blue eyeliner?

yes, but according to some cost cutting article i read all the eye liner in the world is made by two or three companies. so you may as well buy the cheapest brands. with that in mind i will probably spend $2 on eyeliner. the bonus being i will own blue eyeliner. which will mean that my work wardrobe will get a little pizzazz.

pizzazz? are you going as a misfit?

god, that is a great idea. but no. actually, damn, that really is a good idea. i wish i hadn't already committed to this costume.

don't worry, the costume will be great....

that's true. and plus i don't think i could pull of zebra stripes and fluoro hair. however, i can pull off a blonde wig. BIG TIME.

you're going as a blonde?

exactamondo.

can you reveal your identity?

ew... maybe.... i mean, it is not like many of you will be there.

so, who will you be friday night, homeperm?

tonight matthew, i will be PRINCESS HER royal HIGHNESS DIANA. queen of hearts.