when i was in fifth form i had all these great theories about studying for school certificate. mostly these theories involved drawing diagrams in felt tip pens. and blue tac. so i could stick the diagrams all over the house including the bathroom and the hallway. and on the fridge (although i used magnets rather than blue tac for that).

this was a hot tip from a study guru that my school had employed to help us prepare for our first set of external exams. he made use medidate and think of a nice calm place. i just thought of green.

he also taught us we can do anything if we just believe. the key to this was affirmation statements and mind maps. however, he emphasised form over function. so when i got into my history exam, i could recall my diagram, as i still can now...

however, any substance or any understanding of why these words were important or how they tied together was lost. or rather, not lost (because i was too concerned with neat handwriting to actually bothered trying to understand these things) just never there.

anyway, it was a harsh lesson. when i got the results i lay in bed listening to pearl jam's black on rotate. the disappointment at getting two Bs barely prepared me for nearly failing calculus two years later. but my point is that once i was so concerned with form i forgot that you need to actually do the work before you could cram for an exam and demonstrate that not only did you do the work but you understood it.

which highlights how i've moved on. tonight i can't bring myself to prepare for an interview because i'm like: i know all this stuff, i've done everything possible, i know this intimately. why bother drafting answers to the questions so that i can sound rehearsed? plus i have more gilmore girls to watch. and also no felt pens or blue tac so even if i wanted to, i have no tools of preparation.