**** warning**** R KELLY'S TRAPPED... UP TO CHAPTER 12 WAS ON TELE LAST NIGHT. as everyone knows r kelly's hiphopera is my favourite thing of all time. and that was just up to chapter 5. chapters 6-12 were as good, if not better, than i had hoped.

i'm on such a high - still - that i need to summarise the plot of the hiphopera for you, just in case you aren't familiar with it.

chapters 1-5.

sylvester wakes up in strange bed. and is like: what the? oh, that's right. i hooked into some chick at a club last night. how stupid of me, since i'm married. then he tries to leave but she won't let him because HER husband is coming up the stairs. so he hides... in the closet.

from closet he can see husband and wife hookin' in. and then, dang it, his phone rings. he tries his best to put it on viiiiiiiibrate, but guess what? too late. the husband has heard. sylvester gets discovered. and there are guns. and the husband is like "two can play at that game" and calls his lover and tells his lover to come over to his house. his lover IS A MAN. cathy, the wife, is all like "your sin is worse than mine" and the husband (chuck) is like 'don't judge me and rufus' but sylvester (played by r kelly) is like, bugger this. i'm going home to my wife. so he rings her and A MAN ANSWERS THE PHONE.

so he gets in his car, and speeds along. getting pulled over along the way (this is an important thing to note).

he gets home and his wife is alone, but is all like: that man was my brother. as you know, he just got out of prison. and so sylvester is like "oh yeah". and they start doin' it. this may be my favourite scene. in this scene gwendoline (the wife) is like 'i'm about to climax' and he's 'cool, climax, but you're on my leg and i'm cramping'. but she takes her sweet time. and he gets bad cramp. so throws her off and pulls back the bed covers and "oh my god... a rubber (rubber, rubber, rubber...)".

and she admits that she's been hooking into the policeman who pulled sylvester over.

chapters 6-12.

okay so this is all very new to me. and i was blissing out to such an extent that i no doubt missed bits and pieces. but so sylvester and gwendoline become amazingly open. telling each other about their respective affairs. and they laugh! they roll around on the floor laughing.

the policeman comes back and sees this. misinterprets it and violent or something and pulls out his gun. there is fighting. and the gun goes off. there is blood. who is shot? the brother from prison. everyone thinks he's dead. and there are tears. and a whole lot of blame handed out. but guess what? he's just grazed. noone calls the paramedics. he just needs some water. and he cleans himself up.

the neighbour comes over because she heard the noise.

the policeman leaves. he rings his wife bridget. who is excited about him coming home. she's made him a cherry pie. she also has the world's most hilarious southern (??) accent. he gets home. and she's like "maybe it's that time of the month" when james (policeman) asks her why she looks funny. and he's like "what the?". ANYWAY she's like have some pears and go upstairs. and he's like, nah, i'm heating up my chicken. and she's like, no, have some pears and go upstairs. and he notices the pie. which has a piece missing. and hello, bridget is allergic to cherries. someone has been in his house! and he looks behind the fridge (?) nothing. and bridget gets more and more agitated. and stands by the sink. and james pulls her away and opens the kitchen sink cupboard. and there is a midget!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

bridget and the midget have been getting it on. bridget calls gwendoline asks her to help. gwendoline sends her husband and brother. they turn up. there are more guns. we learn that bridget is carrying the midget's child. and that the midget is called 'big man' cos he's "blessed". and that big man is a stripper.

it basically ends there, although there is a bit more rufus and chuck. and in the credits, r kelly's all like "don't forget roxanne". roxanne is mentioned by gwendoline at one stage. which means THERE IS MORE TO COME AND MORE CHARACTERS. what rhymes with roxanne? well, if you put an accent to it, lesbian. but, that surely is passe. how do you follow a blessed midget stripper called big man? i'm sure r kelly will find a way.