...a long and indulgent post on how i met ethan hawke....

on wednesday i went to dorkland. to see the killers. but frankly, somehow, i'd almost forgotten about the killers in my planning, because i was so fixated on how i desperately needed to be a lady of leisure. sometimes you just need to get your groove back. you know what i'm saying?

to cut a long story short: success.

to cut a medium length story long, i hadn't really eaten dinner before the killers on wednesday night. just lukewarm chips from the venue. so afterwards i was starved. but also i couldn't eat. because i sometimes get waves of horrible as i think that maybe brandon flowers and i will NOT be together for a moment, let alone forever. so i ended up fulfilling essentially my OTHER life's ambition by eating in the bright green korean place on the corner of queen street and mayoral drive. and it wasn't too bad. the korean television show that was on took my mind temporarily off brandon.

the next morning we got up early for a swim and jacuzzi. the langham, where we were staying, is the best dorkland hotel i've ever had. top notch. anyway, after the health club morning, we ate breakfast and then went to mt eden. if you know mt eden, you'll think we were nuts. but on the airport bus it looks so hip and happening. it must have been the confusing dusk light though. because it was a bit of a fail. but at least we got a cup of tea at a chain cafe and mistaken for students. the latter is the impressive bit. given i'm now thirty mumble.

anyway, next stop (after a hail storm) was equipoise in herne bay. so good i fell asleep i think. i can't be entirely sure. it was all a blur of aromatherapy and relaxation. which, while dealing to the stress i carry in my shoulders also served to remind us that we were starved. so after a trip to $3Japan (my vote for auckland city top shop) we went to a hole in the wall japanese place on elliot street. for noodles and gyoza. at some point hrc mentions that she saw this ad for a play or something that had some guy who looks like ethan hawke in it. i'm all like "it IS ethan hawke". because tv 3 cannot leave him alone, so i've picked up the knowledge by osmosis. we also looked at my $3Japan purchases. the pens were not as good as i'd hoped, but otherwise it was cute overload.

then we hit the liquor.




here we are at honey. the cocktail is a honeyberry sour. the taste is delicious. and the company sublime. there is nothing like talking about microwaved ham, stefano oliveri's mouth and the dorkland super city. we had like a hundred cocktails. it was awesome.


then we left honey. the token male of the group left the girls to fight a fire. LITERALLY. as in a bin was on fire. we rang the fire service. and took a lot of photos. one of the fire men asked us if we started it. we giggled (barely, compared to how we were soon to giggle, but at the time it seemed like school girl behaviour) and the fireman pointed his hose at us and turned it on. just a bit. we were untouched by the water. unlike the rubbish bin, which he expertly doused. such a hero.



after the rubbish bin inferno there was nothing for it but mexican food. on the waterfront. where somehow al rationalised it was better to pay for a hostel than go back to waiheke. so we headed up the hill to the langham and watched episodes of brideshead revisited until we fell asleep (which didn't take long, refer to cocktails above).

friday was waiheke day. there was a queue for the ferry. so we took basically the first seats, near the gangplank. and watched people come on. apparently, ethan hawke had already been to waiheke. feeling stink that we'd missed a star encounter we played this game where every man that came on the boat we'd nudge each other and say "there's ethan". it was hilarious.

until ethan hawke walked onto the ferry and ruined it.

he went upstairs. and for the next half an hour i was in hysterics. i couldn't read. i couldn't look at the view. i couldn't do anything but think of reality bites trivia. and wipe the tears from my eyes.

in the last five minutes of the ferry ride we couldn't handle it anymore. and decided to "see the view from the top". we found a position right next to ethan. and promptly began to laugh nervously and uncontrollably.

you know what i learned about myself in those minutes: i'm an opportunist. so when it came time to disembark, i lined up directly behind him. basically touching his brushed cotton shirt. almost holding his hand on the rails. and actually snorting and unable to hold it together.

once we finally got off the boat, i made hrc pose for a photo but hello, it wasn't about her. it was all about ethan....

i'm telling myself ethan's fist has nothing to do with being photographed. and btw: hottie alert!

and then we spent the next four hours on waiheke laughing uncontrollably and wondering what ethan was doing. we ate a small seventy dollar a head lunch at mudbrick. and i hoped that at any moment he would walk in....


he didn't.

on waiheke we went to al's bedsit, we read (or attempted to) and we visited beaches and patted dogs. we also talked a LOT about ethan hawke. we called him ed. to be less obvious. and my stomach was in pain from the laughing.

back at the ferry terminal we thought it was too unlikely we'd have the good fortune to be on the same ferry as ed. so we played the "there's ethan" game again. hrc spotted some dude and was all like "he's familiar". i dismissed him as a former melody rules star: then it hit me - it was principal charleston from gilmore girls. this was almost too much to take. although al also thought she saw chandler from friends. so some of our guesses were WAY off.

as we walked to the ferry to line up we looked back and lo! ethan was buying coffee. we became hysterical again. once on the ferry we tried calming down. al was the best but me and hrc were hopeless cases. especially when principal charleston sat in direct view. but it gets worse! or better? ethan hawke sits directly opposite me.

albeit one table away, but nothing obstructed our views of eachother. i stared a bit. thank god for sunglasses (which by the way become unplausible at six thirty in the evening so had to come off after a time).

after a time of pretending to read, it became obvious that ethan was doing the cross word and was stuck on a question. he was asking his cast mates (who were also on the ferry, including dakin matthews and sinead cusack) the questions. but we had resourcefulness in our favour. and cellphones. so it was all lined up when ethan leaned across his table, looked me straight in the eyes and said

"do you know new zealand's largest cattle station".

you know what i learned about myself in these moments: i cope well under pressure. so i can't walk off a gangplank with him but i can answer his questions directly and charmingly.

i admit that i've been listening to his conversation and have been thinking about it. "i think it's molesworth".

there is near tragedy when he asks if it is north or south island ("god only knows" i'm thinking). but a simple 'south of here' kind of sort of covers me. although al and hrc probably have different opinions. we talk about fort worth. or something, it is a blur. and he thanks me for playing a part in completing his crossword.

the ferry ride is over in a flash and i'm mourning it. until, as we are disembarking together for the second time that day, ethan comes up to me and says that his 100% completed cross word is all due to me. ME. i tell him i'm proud of him. he tells me he's proud of me. it's what you'd call our bit. or shtick.

at this point al takes over and i go into a haze. who knows what happens but somehow we end up across the street. ed-less. when ethan catches up with us again. as in troy dyer hastened his pace to catch up with me. ME. i won't bore you with details but he mentioned his hotel room. okay, i will bore you, he wanted to know where to buy poker chips because he wanted to play poker in his room. still, awesome ahe?

btw during this entire three part conversation hrc says nothing.

but once we lose ethan we all break back into hysterics, and are exhausted from holding it together as long as we did. we go back to the langham and sit in the jacuzzi trying to list the other hollywood stars we would feel this way about (keanu reeves only, although i also think maybe ewan mcgregor could almost make up the holy trinity - people considered but not admitted to the trinity include will smith and brad pitt by reason of them being too famous. but also thank god i haven't met will smith. he owes me $15 and two hours of my life after seven pounds).

the end. there is unfortunately no post script. except how al went to see his play the next day. sadly, hrc and i had to fly back to wellington. so missed it. apparently it was very very good.

you know what else was very very good? everything about ethan hawke. he is so my fallback guy if me and brandon don't work out. and he is charminger, hotter and sexier voiced than you can imagine.