happy birthday to me.

it was not the best birthday. i thought i was faking happiness pretty well but by quarter to eight in the am the illusion had been shattered and i was talking about how i hate my life right now. presents helped restore my faith in humanity. and a card with elton john* singing me happy birthday provided the comic relief i needed.

plus other people were great. i have birthday mardi gras people, board game people, dvd people, flower people, cake people, scarf people and book voucher people. i have a nephew who keeps trying to kiss me and parents who make a delicious bbq even though it is cold and starting to rain.

but the problem with feeling miserable is that even when you have awesome people you still basically want to go to the bathroom and cry. and wear your sunglasses on the bus just in case you think too hard about stuff then your eyes well up with tears and people will think you're mental. when the thing is you are simply miserable. plus i don't like to talk about my misery with others really. i may pay a professional. that, at least, is my dream.

but on the upside at least i'm not joey potter. for my birthday i bought season six of dawsons and in tonight's episode it is joey's birthday too. and she is left heart broken and crying and dawson calls her a child. which is true, but hello on your birthday you should be immune from home truths. you should also be immune from misery. but life isn't perfect. damn it.

_______________

*not the real elton.

hot or not lists are so lame. which is why i'm addicted to them.

going up:

naughty nail polish. seriously, my new red black nail polish is called naughty. i feel like such a vamp.

going down:

french manicures. ew. the white nail part makes me want to snap your nails. see, it is so going down it turns me violent. and i'm peace loving.

going up:

scrabble.

going down:

the euphoria associated with winning a quiz. last week i just about passed out i was so happy. this week i took the prize like money ain't a thing and barely celebrated. but i was happy. just less happy. like when companies report profits that are pretty good, just not AS good as last quarter. that's my current feeling.

going up:

joshua jackson

going down:

any movie without a former dawsons creek star.

going up:

taupo. i'm about to visit for the third time this year. it is basically my home away from home.

going down:

cafes in taupo. when breakers is amongst the best on offer you are in serious serious serious trouble. seriously.

going up:

pod. the staff are flirty and business like in the right ways.

going down:

sweet mothers kitchen and the methods they use when someone has booked a table. i watched gordon ramsay on tele tonight and he just about fired someone for not planning table bookings better. smk have a thing or two to learn from gordo.

going up:

waist lines, but not in a good way. high waisted skirts and pants, you are so very unflattering.

going down:

my energy levels. i think it is time for bed.